Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

"Now I lay me down to sleep.  I pray the Lord my soul to keep.  God watch over me through the night and wake me with the morning light. Amen and God bless...."  

     I say this prayer with my kids as I tuck them into bed each night.  My children list off the names of the people they would especially like God to bless that night.  Then, I kiss them on the forehead, tell them how much I love them and ask them where we will meet in our dreams.  For Brody, it's always Virginia Beach.  It is his favorite place in his whole 6 year old world.  We will swim with dolphins and build sandcastles together. Lucas and I meet in a variety of places.  Sometimes we go to the moon and other times we might meet in a video game.  Why do I do this?  Because I want them to remember these very special moments that we share together.  

     We live in a world where bigger is better.  Big houses, fancy cars and keeping up with the rest of the neighborhood seems to have taken over our ability to take in and appreciate the smaller things in life. It can be hard to remember to cherish even the smallest of moments with our children.  I try to remember these small moments when I am away from my children....which is, unfortunately, often.  

     I don't get to tuck my children in every night.  I work a job that requires me to travel about 70% of the time.  And while I get many questions such as "You're kids are so young!" or my personal favorite, "How do you do that, be away from your family so much?"  Well, let's just say that I don't enjoy being away from my family.  I miss them terribly from the moment I leave until the moment I get home.  Yet, I'm very comfortable in the decisions I make and what I am providing for my family.  For one, I have a very strong support system.  My husband has always supported me in my career, even when he may not have agreed with my choices.  For this, I am both blessed and thankful.  We also have a close aunt that cares for our children and has given them their own bedroom with bunkbeds to spend the night when necessary.  For this, I am both blessed and thankful.   

     While I miss my children terribly as I travel for work I am comforted in knowing that they are safe and well cared for.  Don't get me wrong, the moment I have an opportunity that affords me the ability to work closer to home I am taking it!  But, for now, I'm living in my reality and doing the best I can do to be a provider for my family.  My husband and I working together to give them the best opportunities and experiences we can to give them a solid foundation until they are on their own.  So I'm going to relish the little moments that mean so much to me and them.  

     I'm doing my best to let my kids know just how very much I love them.  I know that one day they too will look back on these small moments and remember them just as I remember saying bedtime prayers in my childhood.   It is my hope that they remember these moments fondly and it gives them the same sense of peace and comfort that I carry.  I hope that they always remember that no matter how far apart we are, we are always in each other's hearts.  Finally, I hope that I can continue to cultivate their hearts to know that you can't buy happiness or love.  Happiness and love is found in the small things we do day to day. It's where we meet in our dreams and it's most definitely in our prayers at night.  

It's January 2nd 2015 and as I begin to write this post I have yet to land on a New Year's resolution.  In the effort of saving myself time and quite frankly the disappointment of not completing a boring resolution I'm not making one.  I simply refuse.  I'm forging a new path and just saying no to all of that goal setting and organized craziness that I never complete.  

This year I'm trying something different.  Instead of making all of these promises to myself that I know I won't keep I am going to make only 1 statement.  I will fail.  I will try to fail gracefully but I know there will be times that may not happen.   I will fail because I will be trying new ideas and testing myself to see just what I can do.  I will challenge myself to think differently and learn more.  Why am I doing this?  My reasoning for this is that if I fail at least I will have learned something. Maybe in telling myself it is o.k. to fail I am actually giving myself permission to try more and do more.  As a parent I think that one of the most important qualities of a person that we can teach our children is how to keep learning, how to accept defeat and how to pick yourself back up after the going gets tough.  Yes, I think I will be a shining example of this for my kiddos.

The good news is that I'm not in this alone!  I have God standing with me and carrying me through life.  I have my husband who is my soul mate and life partner that is willing to push my buttons just to see what happens.  We all need that someone in our life to keep us on our toes.  Lucky for me I hit the jackpot!  I've got my kids, that with all of their innocence are always willing to give hugs and kisses, no questions asked.  And of course my family and friends as an extended support system.  I am blessed beyond belief so I know that the year of no resolutions will be just fine.  In fact, I expect great things to come from 2015.  Happy New Year and cheers to no resolutions!  

A Good Idea?

The year of blogging in 2013 didn't last too long for me.  One whole post was written and then other "stuff" came along.  I'm sure there are millions of moms in this world that can relate!  Family, work, job changes, school and moving just to name a few of the biggies.  In July of 2013 I had the fortunate opportunity to move into a position that allows me to work a rather normal work schedule, compared to retail.  Well, normal in that I now travel 3 days a week to other states.  But hey, I get weekends and holidays off.  I even work from home a couple of days a week!  We're all still adjusting to this change.  It's been both positive and negative and right now we are just trying to hold on and find a routine that works for us.   I graduated from Bowling Green State University with a master's degree in Organization Development in August. Though I don't regret the education it's a bill that I'm not looking forward to paying!
I look around and feel very blessed by the grace of God that I have a great husband and children.  We have a lot of fun in this family and it leaves me to wonder why I think I have to be perfect.  No one is perfect. No, not even the faithful Pinners or the Facebook devotees.  So I'm giving up my worries about how this blog might just be dumb to others and forging ahead.
   I just finished reading my very first post and I have to say, I'm kind of shocked at that writer.  To tell the truth, I enjoyed reading it and I NEVER enjoy reading my own writing.  So alas, I'm giving this  blogging yet another attempt.  At the very least I figure this will be something my kids can read one day and be proud that I am their mom and that I have the courage to tell story!

The Beginning

"You will never sense fulfillment in life unless you reach the goal of being yourself. Don't be in competition with others; just concentrate on fulfilling your potential."  

~From Discover the Joy of Being The Person God Made You To Be by Joyce Meyer

Who I am...

I am a mom, wife, daughter, student, friend and a retail manager.  Sometimes I don't know where one role ends and another begins.  Some days are harder than others.  The days where I have to decide if I can take the day off work to stay home with a sick child or husband.  Or, the days where I didn't make it home in time to eat dinner with my family because I was trying to finish up at work.  

My story really begins almost 11 years ago.  I graduated from college and was ready to take on the world....wait, no that wasn't it.  In reality I was scared to death.  I was scared of being a full blown adult that was supposed to be responsible for my own well being.  Lucky for me I had a lot of support from my family so that transition from college student to professional didn't go too poorly. That same year I reconnected with and old boyfriend and lucky for me we've been together ever since.  We will be married 10 years this August.  

I'm not saying it has always been easy.  We moved 4 times in 6 years due to jobs.  We've been through job changes, financial ups and downs, births, deaths and the mundane things that come along in life.  My husband is my best friend, my protector and my confidant.  There isn't anyone else that I would choose to share this journey we call life.  By the grace of God we created 2 beautiful boys that continue to amaze me daily.  They remind me that life really isn't worth sweating the small stuff!  

Then why do I often feel that I'm not good enough?  Why is it that I look around me and I think that I could be doing more?  Maybe my expectations are too high.  Maybe others I see around me cut corners too and I just don't see it. Maybe their house only really gets cleaned when company is expected.  No joke, we don't ever have unexpected guests due to the fact that we live over an hour away from family and friends.  I am sure their opinion of my domestic skills would be much lower if they saw our house day to day.  Maybe, just maybe, I have chosen to only see what I want or think I should see.  Maybe Facebook, Pinterest, magazines and reality t.v. has helped to skew my perspective a little.  

Giving it up!

So, I'm giving it up!  Ok....I'm not going cold turkey.  But I am making new choices.  No more Facebook on my phone or iPad.  Sorry friends, I don't really need to know that you are cooking dinner and it is snowing nor do you care that I'm having a hard time getting my kids to stay in bed.  Sure, I like looking at the pictures and hearing about the good stuff that happens but if you are a constant complainer and passive aggressive poster you have been deleted from my friends list.  You probably don't care anyway and I'm not offended if you don't care.  No more reality t.v. (Ok, HGTV you I will keep because you give my inspiration.) It isn't real anyway and why was I always comparing my life to theirs?  I love Pinterest and I don't feel a bit guilty about not being able to do all of the pins I save.  It's like a digital hope chest.  I'll keep that one thank you very much!

What am I doing?  I am choosing to look at life in a new perspective.  I am choosing to better educate myself by going back to school and obtaining my masters degree.  I think it is important for my children to see the effort of hard work, determination and a good education.  I am choosing to not worry about getting ahead in my job and be thankful that I have a reliable job in a good company.  I am choosing to make my priorities God, family, me and in that order. 

My mission...

My mission in this blog is to create a personal journal for myself to track the life events that make me laugh, cry and everything in between.  If even one person reads this and can relate that's awesome.  We all have "stuff" that we carry around with us.  Let us not judge each other on that "stuff" but learn to implore, learn from it and move on!